A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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