hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize