I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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