Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
