he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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