I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
