He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
