ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
