so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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