Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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