also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
