4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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