Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
