they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize