That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
