He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
