saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How does it feel to date your dad?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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