Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
