If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
