I looked at my own cervix.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
