You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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