I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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