There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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