So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
