grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
