epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
