I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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