I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
