college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
