high people should be assigned attendants
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm like, not good at living.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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