I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
