After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
