i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
