dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can you bring me the toilet please
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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