all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There r osticjed everywhere
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
