I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
