Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
