My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
