you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
