the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
