and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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