It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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