Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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