My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
