Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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