I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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