dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
