apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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