they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
