it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
