Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
