Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
