i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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