Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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