Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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