I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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