Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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