I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
