We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
