Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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