i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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