I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I had to cum in my sink.
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