well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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