I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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