Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
how can u be prego again
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
