Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
