There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
