I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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