Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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