Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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