Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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