Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
