i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
