Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
