what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
