She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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