my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
