Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
