gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
