he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
